SOFTER SIDE

For the past year, I’ve tested in theory that if I turned into a ‘soft girl’ I’d have a smoother life. I kept finding myself in terrible situations, and I mean avoidable. It just seemed like I couldn’t find healthy relationships, time for myself, or any good affirmations I could recite in the mirror. This all stems from how I was treating myself. It wasn’t very soft, and it wasn’t dignified at all.

I used to hear this a lot, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” and just thinking about the phrase made me feel terrible. I kept wondering why I lacked boundaries, I couldn’t form healthy relationships, I people pleased, and it’s all because I kept clinging to the belief that if I stay the same, and keep the same morals I had with being “NICE” , and easy to deal with, I’d have a better life.

Well let me tell you the downsides of being the girl who’s easy to deal with. You get taken advantage of, and people don’t feel the need to consider you. Your life is harder, of course it is. You constantly have to people please, and make sure you aren’t doing the most for yourself because that would be too narcissistic, or the fact that you have to play it nice just so others won’t look twice your way.

WHEN IT IS TIME TO BE A SOFT GIRL?

All the time. Start today, this very minute. Being a soft girl doesn’t take much time, and it is as simple as running yourself a bath with essential oils.

Being a soft girl means you take care of yourself, in the softest way possible. Romanticise your life, create spaces that make you feel at peace.

For example; I used to keep my room super modern, with sand-colored walls, and basic decorations. Now I’m not saying you have to deck out your room in ALL PINK to become a soft girl, but personally PINK was the happiest color for me. It reminded me of when I was a little girl and that’s what I went with.

I’m just a girl after all, and to me peace is my favorite color, waking up to decorations that make me feel like I’m in heaven, or keeping flowers around.

“I’m strong, I don’t need to be soft”

Who says you can’t be both? Just because you want to lead a soft girl life, doesn’t mean you ignore all the responsibilities with it. It requires maintenance, just like anything else in life.

BOUNDARIES

You can’t maintain being a soft girl without it. I’m done with the yelling, the paragraphs of text messages, and the constant “beef”. It disturbs my peace and brings me out of character.

Creating healthy boundaries, and implementing them early on, saves you from toxic relationships, and trust me we can’t be one of those, it’s so 2017.

The moment you feel as if those boundaries are crossed, unless you have a baby, or a home with said person.. please disregard them. I promise you there are more people in the ENTIRE world, that could treat you right the first time.

STATE YOUR WORTH

The moment someone tries to get to know me is the moment I’m honest. If I like receiving flowers every month, I do. If I like getting my nails done, going on hikes, cute little workshops, I DO.

No more, “I don’t want to scare them away”, you actually SHOULD. Seeing people pleasing comes from getting to know someone, and just because they're your crush you say “Oh yeah... I’m not like other girls” but WHY? Why deny who you are, if you are the 100/0 girl, be that, if you’re 50/50 be that.

But I promise you the more you lie about your worth, the way you downplay yourself, will be your ultimate downfall.

If you think I’m full of shit, take a look.

These were all from seperate people, during the time I was dating, I simply started saying “I love flowers, flowers make me happy” whenever I get the opportunity.

I USED to say “Oh no, flowers are okay… I don’t really mind them”

Be clear and intentional with your words, they matter.

CONSISTENCY

Please don’t skip over this. I think this step was probably the hardest I had to get down.

I mean I would do skincare, meditation, workout, and all for a week straight, then ruin my meditation hour one day just to listen to some drama.

It’s never going to work if you don’t train yourself. Every trigger moment can become a new example, a new lesson. It’s really up to you, to do this.

All it takes is 2 weeks, try to be consistent. Start small if this is something hard for you, like for 2 weeks, do a morning skincare routine. NO MATTER what, always keep up the routine, then move on, eat healthy meals, buy yourself flowers. You’ll start to find that making yourself happy, is being a soft girl.